Stuck In The Recent Past

It’s a bastard to fight, age.  In most cases it nabs you by stealth-you won’t realise it but all of a sudden you’ll be appreciating the value of Radio 2 or a good pair of slippers and then…bam! it grabs you by the throat. Of course, you could try fighting back, flipping it V-signs and defiantly wearing leather jackets and  skinny jeans well into your 40’s, but make no mistake, the day of reckoning, when you finally realise you look like a bit of a tosser, will come eventually, and then the harsh truth- the you are in fact a great deal older than time itself- will saunter into view. And rest assured, the result of that won’t be pretty. Think of the ‘sensible’ kid at school, the one with the briefcase, side parting and savings account. He/she was old before their time, but at least they realised it. Whilst you’re being sick in the gutter they’re probably exchanging pleasantries in a rural estate somewhere in leafy Surrey, before indulging in a bit of game-shooting. The only game-shooting you’ll be doing is viciously murdering prostitutes on the latest Grand Theft Auto epic…and where’s that going to get you? Once the mindless thrill dissipates, you’ll be left only with memories of your misspent youth.

Now and again, I catch signs of myself aging. I don’t mean in the mirror, like some bizarre case of Benjamin Button in reverse, but stark reminders of the fact that my youth is, slowly but surely, ebbing away. Take music, for instance. I don’t think I’ve actively sought out a contemporary tune since, say, about 2008. Oh sure, I know who One Direction and all of the talent-show acts are…but let’s face it, you’d have to be trapped under a Venusian avalanche to be completely unaware of them. Even then, you’d probably have picked up something about Harry’s hair, beamed off of the back of the moon. But indie bands. Good, solid, dull, workmanlike indie bands, the likes of which make up roughly 70 percent of my iPod playlist…where have they gone, exactly? I’m sure there are still tons of them about, scurrying around busily like ants on an anthill…but they seem to have been removed from my field of vision. Likewise rap, any r n b/soul which isn’t played out of a passing car stereo (which incidentally, usually sounds loud enough to have its own engine). Dance music. What the hell’s happened to it? Don’t ask me, I can vaguely remember who the Prodigy are, but they are naff and nineties, now it’s all dub-step, police sirens and waterboarding. Probably.

In fact, the only actual ‘new’ music I seem to download  anymore is almost exclusively film soundtracks. And I’m not talking knowing Tarantino singalongs, where he dusts down a little known classic and sets it next to some groovy modern day tunes.  No, it’s nothing but the latest Hans Zimmer epic for me, with an occasional nod to the master, John Williams. Zimmer’s Batman pieces are in particular so towering, I sometimes worry that they’ll force me to re-enact that ‘know your limits’ alcohol campaign a few years back (you know the one where the dickhead climbs the scaffold inebriated and ends up injuring himself- that’s me, that is, the only difference being that I’ll probably be sober and therefore suffer a million times the embarrassment, minus the belief that a girl is definitely going to get off with me when I get down)

Video games are fast becoming another telltale sign. I’m probably a little young to claim that mine is the generation which grew old with games, but at the very least I feel like a senior in the class now. To me, video games, quite simply, are not what they were. They’re still a great, vibrant and extremely effective way of killing some time, sure- but I can’t quite seem to gel with this new generation of games. Everything seems to be point-and-shoot. I’m not saying there’s not a place for that, there almost certainly is, but it’s not in my head. I watched someone pick up the latest Call Of Duty a few weeks back, and was significantly underwhelmed. It’s OK, sure, a mindless bit of fun, and certainly not the worst way of filling an hour or so-but I think that’s as long as I could play it for. My brain becomes bored with that kind of game very quickly. Being almost universally hopeless at it helps, of course. After five minutes of flailing about, pressing the wrong buttons and shooting a tree, anyone would get frustrated. Perhaps that’s my gripe- I’m simply not cut out for this type of game, and it shows.

However, the other day I got my old copy of Resident Evil out of cold storage, blew away the cobwebs and gave it a blast. And at 17 years old, the game is still universally brilliant. It’s  ghastly high-concept- player runs around  haunted mansion setting facing monstrous abominations and deadly traps- but it taxes my brain. When I’m not concentrating on being scared rigid (it still holds an impressive fear factor) I have to think logically, about approaching puzzles. About what items to take and how to conserve ammo , as I’m not gifted unlimited inventory space. I’m sure these are elements I can still find in games today, but I haven’t mentioned the most important thing: its shoddiness. Obviously the graphics are extremely dated now, but this adds charm, and the cut scenes-obviously badly translated from the original Japanese- are a joy to behold. Stilted and unemotive, at one point my character discovers one of her comrades has been shot, and reacts to it like she’s just banged her elbow on a doorframe. These comical sequences actually make the franchise ten times more lovable, because they remind the player that a) amongst all the creepiness and horror, it’s just a badly dubbed game; and b) said game was developed by fellow human beings with a love for B-movie horror. It’s just all too slick nowadays. The turning point for me was Resident Evil 4: it looked professional, and they’d imported action elements. I got about three screens into that, arrived  at a boulder challenge that I knew I’d never be able to do, and promptly gave up on the game. £40 well spent. And you can even see it in other games. The latest Grand Theft Auto is likely to be a sprawling crime epic, but I’m not sure anything will match the giddy, careless abandon of the original. I mean, the game doesn’t even make fart noises anymore when you run someone over. What’s the point?

In summary then, I’ve learnt to embrace the fact that I’m not quite so young as I once was. I’ll still enjoy the new stuff, perhaps even give it a go once in a while. But I’ll remain suspicious of it, like a parent who suspects his child isn’t his. This ‘content’, for want of a better word, was produced by people around my age, and-ugh-younger than me. People who don’t understand that a near two-decade old survival horror game is all you need to while away the hours; people who waste their time going to see contemporary bands when they could be wandering around a building-site with film score thrills in their ears. There’s something reassuring about being stuck in the distant past, anyway.  Why bother with the now, when the then is this exciting?

Right, I’m off to buy a leather jacket.

I’d like to point out that when it comes to films and TV series, I’m still relatively up-to-date; for some reason (possibly to do with the passivity required) I find that the aging process has been thwarted, or at least delayed, when it comes to these two mediums. However, I do have a distressing predilection for TV series which are in the main considered ‘uncool’, and haven’t caught up with many of the current shows which are considered de rigeur for the hip telly-watcher yet. However, if anyone ever finds me in front of any television costume drama, please check that I am still conscious, and if so you have my permission to kick me as hard as is possible until the channel is changed.

A Nose Dive?

A Nose Dive?.

A Nose Dive?

Note: I haven’t written on here for months (in my usual circumspect style) and now this is going to be a bit of a rant. I apologise in advance to the two people who may read this aside from me.

Once again, Luis Suarez is enjoying the social status of a despotic nuclear madman with an incriminating set of photos of Kate Middleton’s private parts. Once again, it feels like reality has taken a temporary holiday whilst we denigrate the actions of a footballer at extensive length. It leaves you feeling a little bit discombobulated to be honest. Are we all still really here? Admittedly this is more clear-cut than the mind-bending Patrice Evra race row (let’s not go there) but still, it does feel like another surreal Suarez-‘gate’; only he could garner such outrage. So, wearily: What’s he done, now?

Let’s get something straight first of all: by all accounts, it WAS a dive from Suarez (I still haven’t seen it, although I am watching a rerun of the match as we speak, and am expecting it to come up shortly; I’m rubbing my hands with anticipation like a Sunday Supplement hack waiting to tear into another hapless foreign manager), but nevertheless, everyone agrees: he went down too easily, applying his ‘dying swan’ act. There’s a slight debate over whether he was in fact clipped beforehand, but no doubt 90 per cent of fans have already made up their mind about that, too. And what followed was, apparently, unequivocal. In fact, as I am typing this, it has occurred on screen, and there’s no doubt it was daft. In fact, the strangest thing about it was that there seemed to be half a second of thought when he initially went down, before throwing himself to the ground theatrically. It has to be said: what was he thinking? It must have made him wince to see the television footage after.

Even so, bad as that was, what followed afterwards was a tour de farce. Tony Pulis, apparently simmering with outrage (or trying to deflect attention from his own team’s thuggish nature-you decide) decided to take to the airwaves and denounce Suarez’s antics, calling for him to banned for three games. Apparently only then, according to Pulis, will this stop. Of course, it’s easy to criticise other teams’ players for cheating when you instruct your own team to take the moral high ground by pursuing courses of action such as: time wasting at every opportunity, committing niggly fouls in front of a seemingly oblivious official, and throwing in the odd flourish, such as a vicious-looking stamp on a prone opponent. None of these are examples of cheating of course. Just the rough and tumble which accompanies the English game we all love so much. After all, if these were grievous offences, someone would have written a book of rules outlawing them in our fine modern game, wouldn’t they Tony? No, it’s the diving which has to be punished. This simple act of throwing oneself to the turf to gain an advantage is a scourge of the modern game. It doesn’t injure anybody, or permanently threaten careers. But it does cause a possible injustice, if the official is sufficiently duped. Which I’m sure you’ll all agree is far worse.

This kind of hypocrisy could only survive in the English game. The kicking, barging and elbowing is seen as ‘mans stuff’; the simulation, imaginary card-waving etc the sole preserve of pernicious foreigners. The same foreign players who light up our league every week, only for pundits to moan that the England football team is being done irreparable damage by their presence. This mindset ignores the fact that diving has been present in the English game since the 1970s, when players from abroad were far less common in the English game than today. Indeed, Franny Lee was renowned for it. But somehow, the past is a foreign country. Just as football didn’t exist for many pre Sky, neither did diving. Those pesky foreign players imported it in the 90’s, and now it’s here to stay. How can we kick lumps out of smaller, skilful players when they are throwing themselves all over the shop?

As ever, the discourse over diving/simulation masks a real issue: why is physicality still favoured in the English game over skill and guile? The fact is, a team like Stoke could only prosper in this country, with our ‘up and at em’ mentality. For many, Stoke are proof that you don’t need any kind of technical ability to stay in the Premier League: just good old team spirit and ‘guts’. This concept is completely alien in other top football leagues. A side aiming to foul players and win second balls in Spain simply wouldn’t be able to survive in the top division. After the 50 stoppages and 5 sendings off they’d inevitably incur, the team would be forced to abandon matches and probably end up being fined into administration. Ditto the German league. The Italian league may be one of the most cynical (in terms of style and administration) in world football, but even in the land of catenaccio a certain technical proficiency is required. Brawn, yes. But brains to go with it.  The national sides these leagues support have all been successful, in varying degrees, in recent years. Italy won the 2006 World Cup. Spain are the dominant national side of the last four years. Germany may not have won anything in recent times, but they have come much closer than the English national teams.

Of course, all this is going to come across as sour grapes from a fan who was disappointed to see Stoke hold my team to a goalless draw on Sunday. And certainly, it was frustrating. But I don’t have a problem with Stoke playing the way they choose to. It’s up to other sides to break them down and on Sunday, we couldn’t. My problem lies with the romanticism of the way they play. The English league and national team has nothing to learn from Stoke. ‘Spirit’ and ‘guts’ are something which all national sides should possess anyway, not need to learn from alehouse football sides. Whenever I hear someone defending Stoke with a cry of ‘football’s becoming a non-contact sport,’ it just makes me roll my eyes.  Fair tackling should definitely be encouraged, yes. Ball-winning, in the sense of making interceptions and positioning yourself to win the ball correctly from an opponent, can be an art form. Claude Makelele and Javier Mascherano (most of the time) are great examples of that. I don’t believe anyone wants to remove tackling from football.  But I want to remove kicking people from football. I want to remove stamping and people throwing themselves into leg-breaking tackles from football. I want this whole playground-bully culture, which favours the physical, pacey players with little to no technique or guile, to evolve towards one which values possession of the ball, and respecting your opponents rather than kicking them up into the air. Perhaps, then, people wouldn’t feel the need to dive so much.

I have digressed here, and this is almost certainly a ranty post. There could be much more said. I haven’t touched on the recent refereeing decisions (the commentary of Liverpool-Stoke almost entirely consisted of disagreement with the man in the middle’s decisions). Believe it or not, I hate to talk about subjects such as refereeing and diving. They are repeated ad infinitum in the media at large, so much so that they overshadow the game itself and become immensely tiresome. There are other diving offenders, too, who do not appear to get as much coverage as Suarez, mainly because they don’t quite fit the media narrative as well, but I don’t want to go into these at length, except to say that curiously many of the players I can think of off the bat are from these very shores. Strange,  eh?

I don’t want this to be construed as defending diving or the Suarez dive on Sunday, either. Far from it. As stated earlier, it was a ridiculous dive and he should have been booked for it, which is after all the punishment deemed acceptable by the rules. But other, Stoke players should also have been booked. Twice. And this is what worries me with the talk about diving. I just don’t want to be part of a conversation where simulation is regarded as a far worse offence than serious foul play, and it’s this, along with the promotion of ugly, thuggish Route One football as something to be admired, that really concerns me about the footballing landscape in this country.

Premier League Predictions 2012-2013

It’s that time of year again. The sun has made its annual appearance and is now on the wane, we’re being wowed by blockbusters at the cinema, and most sane people are away on holiday soaking up the rays. Meanwhile, as the Olympic dreams begin to fade, green shoots of optimism are beginning to take hold in the minds of sports fans up and down the country. The time for talking (and thankfully, rumours) is almost over. The football season is about to  begin in earnest.

It seems that before ‘The Big Kick-Off’, every season is hyped roughly 25% more than the previous one. The glory of sport is that in this case, we all convince ourselves that it will be different this time round, that new stories will be written. Which is scant consolation come February when your detested rivals win yet another game with an own goal off of a hapless defender’s arse, and extend their lead at the top to 14 points. But for now, we can dream.

To slightly contradict the last paragraph, it’s actually been a bloody weird last couple of years for the Premier League. The seemingly untouchable ’Top 4′ is a thing of the past, succeeded by a much less certain looking Top 6, plus a surprise package or two (here’s looking at you, Newcastle) As such, predicting the final finishing position of each side is (or at least, seems) a much more tricky proposition than it has been in previous seasons. Nevertheless, it’s a challenge I like to undertake each and every season in the form of a Predictions League with friends. I originally meants to keep my predictions brief this year, however they grew and grew from humble mogwai-like beginnings to the mschevious gremlins you see below you.

So, I decided to share them with you, dear reader (I’m assuming that there will only be one, probably myself), because I’m ‘nice’ like that. Think of it this way, when Swansea win the Premier League in May 2013, you can revisit these predos and point and laugh. So without further ado, let’s dive right in:

1)        Manchester United- This prediction defies logic I agree. At present, although there is still time to tick over in the transfer window, United do not appear to have significantly strengthened this close season, and there are large question marks over the heads of several players at Old Trafford (not literally, that would be a bit weird). Still, Mr Ferguson appears to be able to hold his side together with the footballing equivalent of spit and Sellotape, winning games almost on muscle memory alone. This team appears much more ‘British’ than its previous incarnation when Carlos Queiroz was at the club, and I would be less sure about them progressing significantly in Europe, but losing the title on the last day to city rivals could be just the motivation they need to sneak the title. Sadly.

2)      Manchester City- Again, illogical, considering City have the strongest squad in the League on paper, but I wonder if the pressure of defending their crown, coupled with what will surely be a more significant assault on the Champions League, will take its toll. A fairly quiet summer so far by their standards, although there are flickers of life coming into the transfer machine with the (slightly baffling considering the strength of their midfield) signing of Jack Rodwell and the (understandable) pursuit of Daniel Agger (don’t go Danny!) . As usual, the Tevez and Balotelli sideshows may impact on them as well and the club wants rid of Edin Dzeko, which should see a new face come in upfront. I think we’ll see an improvement in Europe and a second-placed finish by a point or two.

3)      Arsenal-Oh, how we all laughed as Arsenal started last season so dismally. Come the end of February, it seemed certain they would finish outside the top four for the first time since Arsene Wenger’s arrival at the club. And yet, once again, they pulled themselves out of the fire and qualified for the top four comfortably. Whilst the RVP saga does point to possible unrest behind the scenes at the club, on the pitch they remain admirably consistent in their top 4 qualification and have made some decent looking signings this summer. As with Nasri, Fabregas and Henry, I think they have enough to cope without a slightly injury-prone 29 year old, if he does go. A trophy is the other elephant in the room. I still think they have a chance in the Champions League but how far they get may well depend on their league form, as they don’t have the ubersquads of City and Chelsea.

4)      Chelsea- a fair amount of arrivals and a seemingly brazen disregard for the FFP rules have characterised their summer. Of course a couple of the older faces who served them so well have gone, although naturally John Terry and Frank Lampard remain in situ. Chelsea are a great unknown this year. With the talent they have signed, it could well be possible for them to push the top two all the way. Equally, after the euphoria of last term, Di Matteo may struggle. The defensive tactics he used in last years’ Champions League to great effect would appear to be suitable for short tournaments, but it seems much less likely that they could be made to work over the course of a season, so we may see a return to the aesthetically pleasing style of his West Brom side. Their league form under Bobby D last season was also worse than that under AVB, although that’s understandable to an extent as the two cup competitions provided  huge distractions. I think they are capable of finishing 2^nd, but equally they could finish 6^th, so 4^th seems a happy medium in between these two.

5)      Spurs- Last seasons’ unluckiest team (in the sense of finishing 4^th and being deprived of the Champions League) are about to begin a new cycle. The sacking of Harry Redknapp actually appeared to make a lot of sense- whether his fault or not, it was simply too hard to see him remaining at White Hart Lane after the England manager ‘saga’. AVB has a lot to prove, but I do believe he is a good coach. The impact of the dressing-room egos at Chelsea shouldn’t be underestimated, and he shouldn’t have as much of a problem in that regard here. They have made two very decent signings so far, although they still need to add bodies upfront and the Modric  issue needs to be resolved, but after the transfer window closes I am sure the picture will look a lot healthier. I think they will have another decent season, but may just get edged out by Chelsea for the Top 4. Which will no doubt help the relationship between the two clubs.

6)      Liverpool-Yes, a rather more sober prediction from me this year, although it would actually be an improvement on last season. Looking back on last year it’s hard to pinpoint one thing which was the root cause of the underachievement, there was a myriad of contributing factors,  which for my own sanity it’s best not to go into right now. But hopefully there will be a few less woodwork hits than last season (which shouldn’t be difficult) and a few more goals. To that end, Fabio Borini looks a promising signing with a good goals-to-games ratio, and like fellow new signing Joe Allen, he has already worked with the boss. Brendan Rodgers has cut an impressive figure so far, and talks a very good game. I think for that reason the Anfield crowd will be more patient with him than some might expect, and imagine we will see some comings and goings yet before the window closes. It also wouldn’t surprise me if he manages to up the game of one or two of last years’ ‘failed’ crop of signings, whilst perhaps shifting some others.  Whether we can challenge for top 4 remains to be seen, though if Rodgers can get Reina, Agger (please!), Lucas, Suarez and Gerrard to start more games together then hopefully we’ll be able to be in the Champions League shake-up come the latter part of the season. I’d settle for playing a decent style of football and progressing this as the season goes on.

7)      Newcastle- Another impossible to predict side. I’ve seen some stats that rather suggest last season could have been an outlier of sorts. Of course, this doesn’t mean they didn’t deserve their high placing, but if the statistics are similar this season I’d be surprised to see them finish as high. A lot may depend on  January, when they will see their two star strikers depart for African Cup Of Nations. They may have a reserve courtesy of Liverpool by then, but if not they might struggle. It will also be interesting to see how seriously they take Europe. Bearing in mind they were a couple of points off a Champions League spot last season (and discounting what I said in the opening sentence) they might choose to sideline it in favour of league progress but then again having not won a  trophy since the 1960s (and Arsenal fans think they’ve had it bad!) they might decide it represents their best shot. If Pardew can avoid the same tricky second-season syndrome he had at West Ham, they will remain a tough prospect.

8)      Everton- No money, best players leaving, a probable slow start- every summer is Groundhog Season at Goodison. Expect them to struggle initially, but pick up in time for the Merseyside derby. Probably a decent decision to let Tim Cahill go, as his best years were firmly behind him and my theory is that he actually hinders Everton’s ability to function as a team a little. Even minus Rodwell, who I think is decent but overrated, the midfield looks decent enough to give the top sides some wobbles, particularly on Merseyside. The £15m from his sale could also buy a couple of decent squad players (which David Moyes is very adept at signing) and against the odds it looks like they might just keep hold of Leighton Baines. Another good cup run is more than possible.

9)      Stoke City- Bit of a wobble after last season’s European exploits, which came to an end when Valencia finally proved that a Spanish team could do it on a cold Thursday night at the Britannia. I expect them to improve this season, once again home form will be vital, as well as players coming in who can understand and adept to the ‘system.’ As usual, the top sides will not enjoy the away trip and expect them to ruffle a few feathers.

10)   Sunderland- Another red and white striped side. If they complete Steven Fletcher’s signing, they will have got themselves a pretty shrewd deal. Last season he was one of the leading ‘clear cut chance’ converters in the league. Unlike last season, it appears so far they have not lost anyone of note either. O’Neill’s style is not for everyone, but it seems to pay off (particularly away from home) Expect them to push Everton and Stoke for the upper midtable slots.

11)   Fulham- A quietly impressive first season for Martin Jol last campaign, and I expect a similar return this time round.  Much will depend on whether or not they can keep Clint Dempsey, and if not, who they can get in to replace him. A comfortable midtable finish seems likely.

12)   Aston Villa- Again a difficult side to predict, a new manager having come in.Paul Lambert appears to have the pedigree and gravitas that Alex McLeish was never likely to offer, and as such feels like much less of a short-term option. Nevertheless things have been quiet on the transfer front and I’m guessing his first goal will be stability, trying to reverse the dramatic slide Villa have endured over the last three years. I think a mid table finish would be the first step in doing this and is achievable.

13)   QPR- This is where it beings to get tricky, as I could really see any team from here downwards (and even one or two above the line) possibly being relegated. It’s hard to call, but I think QPR’s experience of last year, the slightly older head of the manager, and their financial clout might see them improve on last year. Park seems a good signing for a team of this calibre, too.

14)   West Ham- Perhaps controversial, but going on the big-faced Big Sam’s Premier League experience, he definitely has form in ‘surviving in the Premier League.’ His Bolton not only survived but flourished, and Blackburn’s mid season sacking of the man continues to look increasingly short sighted as each day passes. And I don’t even like the bloke. They have made one or two decent signings, and if they did manage to lure Andy Carroll to Upton Park, they could be a surprise package of sorts. A ‘lump it up forward and fight for the second ball’ surprise package. Brrrr.

15)   West Brom- Another complete unknown. Hodgey had them well drilled before he buzzed off to represent the hopes of a nation (ha ha!) and a solid mid table side. From what I know of Steve Clarke, he will have them similarly organised defensively, and he already has a couple of decent strikers in Odemwingie and Long. It just remains to be seen how he handles to rest of the job-media pressures, signing players etc. I wish him well, but it’s fairly difficult to judge at the moment. I think his experience at West Ham might just keep them up.

16)   Reading- They’ve made a good signing in Danny Guthrie, and I reckon affable Gregg Wallace look a like Brian McDermott might just have the organisational skills to keep the Royals up. It might be hard going at first following that great run last season, but if they can get some decent results at home, I think they could be good for another season.

17)   Wigan- This is probably the most predictable place in the division! Seriously, I think Wigan’s time has to end sooner or later, and wonder if Martinez may even have stayed there too long (though to be fair it is only his fourth season, and no one other than Liverpool came calling in the end) Such a remarkable turnaround at the back end of last season when he completely changed his strategy, but can they maintain that sort of form and surprise again? Very much like the United prediction, I’ve gone with them to beat the drop just because they’ve done it so many times before.

18)   Swansea- Again, they could completely surprise me, but after their fantastic performance in the division last time round, I fear for the Jacks a bit this season. Lost their manager, lost arguably their best player, and brought in a guy whom, whilst a legendary player, is not proven as a manger.  He has been busy in the market, bringing in some Spanish players, and provided they continue to adhere to their playing philosophy, the Swans definitely have a chance, but I worry that second season syndrome could prove fatal here.

19)   Southampton- As with Swansea, it’s with a heavy heart that I predict Saints for the drop. Again they’ve made some new signings and have a manager who appears to be a thoroughly nice chap. I think one of the promoted sides will drop, and looking at them they don’t appear to have Reading’s grit or West Ham’s experience. I would absolutely love them to prove me wrong.

20)   Norwich-That makes 3 sides that I don’t want to go down. A similar tale to Swansea in losing their manager, though at the time of writing they have retained their best player. They haven’t really brought in many players of note though, and I always feel that just to stay in the Premier League you need to keep adding quality. I rate Chris Hughton, but worry again that after the initial euphoria of last year, this season will prove much more difficult.

So there are my predictions. I’d like to say they all took a long time to write, but the shameful truth is that I appear to know much more about the Top 6 sides than the rest in the division. I’ll place the blame for that one firmly at the media’s door, thank you very much. As for the rest of the English leagues, I do retain an interest in these, but sadly am certainly not knowledgeable enough to even attempt predictions, so will leave those to the experts, not that I’m one on the Premier League, rather someone with the twin weapons of a passion about football and far too much time on his hands. I’m sure I’ll revisit these in May and have a good old laugh, but after all, what are predictions for? Being right? That’s overrated.

Hello world!

I’m following this blog’s instructions so I’m going to write down exactly why I’ve decided to start it.

Firstly, I should probably explain the name. I don’t really know WHAT I was thinking. Yes, Mundy is my surname. But ‘madness’…it sounds like I’ve gone on a conscious bid to try and prove how WACKY! I am. Rest assured, I’m not that person. I don’t wear multicoloured clothes and sport tortoiseshell Deidre Barlow glasses (at least, not any more). So if you’re expecting a Swapshop world of goofy hammers and headache inducing ranting, this probably isn’t for you. I’m babbling here, aren’t I?

So, why start a blog? Well, in essence, there’s loads of things I’ve thought, then decided ‘That would look good written down,’ then forgot about before I’ve had the chance to capture them. This blog is my (perhaps doomed) effort to rescue some of these ‘pearls of wisdom’. At this point, I can only feel sorry for you, dear reader, assuming indeed that anyone is reading this complete gibberish.

Some things about me: I’m a big football (specifically, Liverpool FC) fan and if I do manage to maintain this blog, many new posts are likely to be regarding the progress or otherwise of my team. Suffice to say, if a round ball bores you, you’d be best off skipping these, or indeed this blog altogether, which I can only assume the saner elements of the public will do in entirety.

I also love movies, and am an unashamed geek in this regard. I’m a child of the blockbuster era; consequently whilst I do enjoy independent films and ones which were shot on a 29p budget, there will always be a part of my brain which is wowed by massive explosions and the Millennium Falcon. I imagine some of my posts will also be about new/recent movies which have come out, upcoming ones I am childishly excited about, and perhaps the odd look back at films I consider ‘classics’ (No, the Transformers franchise does not appear. Even I’m not THAT bad)

There’s the odd TV series I also enjoy, specifically most types of comedy (anything Partridge-related, surreal or to do with Chris Morris) as well as sci-fi geekery like Doctor Who (I make no apologies for this, it’s a bloody good show) and guilty pleasure 24 (again, no apologies, it was addictive as hell) So from time to time, there may be posts on these topics, too.

So if, by some miraculous chance, there is still someone reading, then prepare to be dazzled by my well-scripted nuggets of knowledge on these very subjects. Alternatively, you may want to reconsider visiting this blog, and indeed, terminate your Internet connection. It’s OK. I understand. And anyway, talking to yourself isn’t crazy, is it?